THE MARRIAGE OF DAVID AND LAURA
VALENTINES DAY 14TH FEBRUARY 2010
BEST MANS SPEECH.
Ladies and gentlemen to you I reach,
Please listen to my wedding speech
For David and Laura, You all know them
I have written this little poem
14th February Valentines Day
Is the day that Laura is given away.
So here we are You’ve witnessed it done,
David and Laura,They have become one,
They’ve said their vows,They’ve committed together
And now they are married for ever and ever.
When they met oh what delight,
For David it was love at first sight
He’d found his woman he found his love,
Sent to him by the man above.
Time spent together they have had enjoyed
Time spent apart they’ve been annoyed
Nights on the town, out for a meal,
And when they got home a grope and a feel
Nights spent at David’s in Kerry room
When lights went out, our cheeky groom
Would sneak on the landing and in to the room
For a cuddles, kisses and a bit of boom boom!!!
I’ve known David since the days of school
He likes a good laughAnd playing the fool,
He liked playing football,He’s picked up some red cards
All because he thought he was hard
But I know him better, he’s not really tough
And to be quite honest he’s a bit of a puff
A wart he had upon his beak,
Of this now we can not speak
A little secret no one knows,
We used to call him nipple nose,
I’ve got some small stories you may like to hear
I suggest that Laura should now close her ears
David has a habit of getting nude~
You think its funny, I think it’s rude
Mad lads nights out we’ve had a few raves,
And after the pub its back to big Dave’s
Things that went on we had some great nights
If I say any more well be in the SHITE (POOH)
Fancy dress you like to do,
Especially dressed as Andy and Lou (Little Britain)
A baldy head some messy hair
Some soft get lost the wheelchair
Super hero’s you also like
Or dressed in Speedos on your Bike
You acted like a bloody fool
And rode into our swimming pool
Days spent in Scotland with My family in tow,
Dave joining in and having a go,
A pint in the Gordon’s a wee in the bush,
The night ended with my Dad on the rush
I once went camping with David the bore,
He started to moan about the sound of my snore
I said I didn’t snore, it started a row
When we opened the tent it was the noise of cows
David’s always been the first to do it all,
First on the pitch and first to the ball
First to have children, first to the bar
And also the first one to own his own car
Now he’s the first to marry of course,
Let’s just hope he’s not the first to divorce.
David’s first job was working with meat,
Being a butcher he found it quite neat
He sold lots of bacon he sold lots of joints
And with the ladies he scored a few points
His sausages were large meaty and thick
Which is more that can be said for the size of his prick (Optional)
Dave is now in the RAF
Who’d have thought it of such a Meff?
He’s done his training he’s past his test
And now he’s proud to be amongst the best
Many places he has been
Serving our country and our Queen
Taking orders from Sergeants loud
Of this job he can be proud
So now a few thank yous I must make
Before they cut the wedding cake
David thanks for being my best mate,
Your choice of Best Man I think was just great
You had plenty to choose from I know there was more
But you got the right one, you know the score
To beautiful bridesmaids I must make a toast
For all gathered here including your hosts
To Kerry, Amy, Kayleigh and Macy
You all look beautiful and a little bit tasty
Your lovely dresses in colours so bright
Will help to brighten up the dance floor tonight.
To the lovely Laura a beautiful bride
I’m sure you agree that can’t be denied.
You look so pretty in your dress all in white
I’m sure David’s in for a jolly good night!!!!
So now you’re off for a life together
Happy in love for ever and ever
I wish you luck in your new life
In your new house with your new wife
With your lovely kids Freyia and Macy
And maybe to follow a Gavin and Stacy
May the world treat you well, with your new honey?
Maybe a lottery win and plenty of money
Living in Witering on the RAF base
Enjoy life and keep ahead of the race
From the bottom of my heart I wish you the best
I know what you’re like you’ll pass every test
So please be upstanding everyone in the room
And join me in a toast to the bride and groom
To a future so bright to a future that’s happy
To a future with children and plenty of nappies
To a future of life shared together
To a future that lasts for ever and ever.
Toast the bride and groom!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This speech was delivered by Paul Horrocks
With love and best wishes for the future.
14th February 2010 X X
A John Deane production. All rights reserved February 2010
